Just So Stories
by hyka
Summary: Exactly what it says. Collection of one-shots. Different genres, characters, ratings.   Story One, Kanda Yuu and his Cat. Cross the Nanny is telling a story to a bunch of preteen!Exorcists. AU, obviously. Non-pairing.


**Just so stories**

**Summary: **Exactly what it says. Collection of one-shots. Different genres, characters, ratings. Story One, Kanda Yuu and his Cat. Cross the Nanny is telling a story to a bunch of preteen!Exorcists. AU, obviously.

**Characters: **Allen Walker, Kanda Yuu, Froi Tiedoll, Cross Marian.

**Genre:** general, though I tried to make it funny.

**Rating:** T, for swearing.

**Disclaimer: **D. Gray-Man (c) Katsura Hoshino. _Just So Stories _were written by Rudyard Kipling (I just borrowed a title). All other recognizable elements are probably not mine too.

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><p><strong>Story 1, Kanda Yuu and his Cat<strong>

"Listen, little suckers, and listen well, for it's a time for your bed story and I'm stuck with baby-sitting tonight. Damn Tiedoll, I knew I shouldn't come back! Damn you all, for leaving me with brats alone. Do I look like a Mary Poppins? Should I sing songs and fly with an umbrella?"

"Isn't it what Millennium Earl does?"

"Shut up, little creep, and don't pollute the air around me, move arther. Now where was I? Ah, the story…

"Once upon a time in a faraway land lived a smart and handsome man – some may even say that he was beautiful. He was a man of many virtues-"

"No, he was not."

"Oh? Dare to repeat? I thought so. As I have said, he was a man of many virtues: he appreciated good rich wine – bring me another bottle, Allen – and good rich women-"

"He was a dirty leech, right?"

"No, Lavi, he was just a selfish bastard. These women for some reason loved him."

"-He had a lot of enemies, too, for the man was virtuous and did not like to waste money-"

"You mean debt-collectors and furious husbands?"

"Figures, he was a fucking loser."

"No, he was not. Though he was a mooching demon, I suppose. I bet he enslaved some poor soul to pay up his debts and clean up his mess…"

"So he was loser's Master?"

"I'll kill you, BaKanda!"

"Ha! You've just admitted you're a loser, Beansprout."

"The next one who utters a word will get a bill, brats. That's better, now with the story…

One day a cat came into his possession. It was a filthy scrawny thing and the man seriously contemplated drowning it. But, as I said earlier, he was not just beautiful but also smart, so he decided, in the end, that even a cat might be useful. And thus man set on a long journey, trying to find a fool, who'll give him a lot of money for a cat…"

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><p>Kanda Yuu disliked cats. To be fair, Kanda Yuu had a very long list of things he disliked, and it would be easier to name things he actually liked. He liked his sword Mugen, soba and tempura. He liked meditating, gardening and cooking – though not very often. Sometimes he liked his foster father, Froi Tiedoll, and was a little bit fond of his foster brothers (but he would never admit it aloud). Other things he tolerated, at most. But cats were <em>another problem altogether, he <em>looked at his bed with disgust, so how did he end up in situation like this?

In the beginning there was Cross Marian – the living breathing personification of all bad habits humanity came up with – and his presence in Kanda's life had never been a good sign. So when the ten-year old boy had come from school and found a rather shady red-haired man sitting on his chair in his kitchen and drinking expensive wine from his (his father's, but it is unimportant) bar, his first urge was to take Mugen and kill intruder a little. And throw him away of course.

"What are you doing here?" he asked instead. "It's fucking trespassing."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, pretty boy. Beautiful people know no boundaries," Cross smirked, and a fat yellow bird on his head chirped. Kanda growled and grabbed his katana. Cross's grin grew wider and he drawled, "Hey, you should not threaten people who'd come to pay off their debts. Otherwise they will think that it was a bad idea. I owe your father some money, and being honest and generous person that I am," and here Kanda snorted, "I came to settle it with him."

"You came to pay off," the boy repeated distrustfully. "Like hell! You have never paid before, why fucking now?"

"I have some spare change."

"Well, leave the money and leave the house. You know where exit is."

"That's a problem," Cross scratched his head and sipped the wine from his glass. "I'm paying but not in cash."

"Not in cash."

"That's what I said. There is no need to repeat, or do you have problems with your auditory perception? Then you will need to invest in hearing aids."

"If you don't have money, how the hell are you supposed to pay?"

"Here!" Cross fished out from under his coat something white and promptly threw it at Kanda. "Catch!"

The boy did not even made a move to catch suspicious thing but it landed on his chest anyway and dug sharp claws into his shirt.

"What the fuck!" Kanda yelped trying to detach it from himself pulling it by the scruff of its neck. It dug its claws deeper. Cross laughed.

"Is it a rat?" the boy lifted an animal at the eye-level, and it immediately tried to scratch out his eyes, only Kanda's quick reflexes saved him from blindness.

"It's a cat, idiot, and a very expensive one. That's my pay off."

"Tch. Still looks like a rat," Kanda inspected kitten more closely and found that it was not purely white but his front left paw was black and there was an old strange scar across its left eye. "We don't need it. Take it away."

"No can do. He is all yours. Enjoy." Cross swiftly stood up and made a move to leave.

"Hey! Fuck you! Take your pest away!"

"All right, I'm feeling quite generous today, so that's your tip!" Cross took the bird from his head and sat it on the table. "This is Timcampy, I'll lend him to you. No need to thank me."

"Who's trying to thank you, bastard! Take your zoo with you and never come back!"

"By the way, cat's name is Allen. Allen Walker."

"This thing has a first name _and_ a last name?" Kanda asked incredulously. "Is not it too big for such tiny beansprout?"

The cat hissed. Cross shrugged.

"That's his name. You may call him Red or something."

"Red? What part of this thing is red?"

"Hell if I know. Well I'm going, no need to see me off."

"Wait a minute!" Kanda tried to stop Cross, but the man had already left. The boy stupidly stood in the kitchen clutching Mugen in one hand and the cat in another, looking at the empty place where Cross have been only a moment earlier. That was a fucking disaster.

Bird chirped. The cat jerked in his hand and Kanda looked at him.

"Fuck. I've been had."

_No shit, Sherlock_, was clearly written on the cat's face. _My Master is a professional, after all, and you are just an idiot._

Kanda dropped the cat. The cat sneered, landing on all four paws.

"You know, Beansprout, I always can kill you and bury in the backyard. And no one will even know that you existed. And this option looks very attractive right now."

_Yeah, kill the cat and feel yourself like man you are not. Stupid girly-hair. Very creative. Congratulations._

Kanda blinked. He could swear that bean-sized cat just insulted his hair _and _masculinity. The nerve of the pest. He shook his head, it was just his imagination.

The cat purposely strode to the fridge and mewled.

"Oh? You start with insulting me and then you hope that I'll feed you? Forget it, so you can just shrivel and die from hunger right now. If possible, with pain and suffering. And I will laugh."

The cat glanced at him. _Are you accusing _me_? A_ cat_? Are you an idiot?_

"Did you just call me an idiot? I'll abso-fucking-lutely kill you!" Kanda angrily drew a sword and sprang forward. In no time he had the cat by his throat, Mugen dangerously close to his neck. Allen closed his eyes tight and felt silent, only furry tail twitched nervously.

"Ho… _Now_ you're the quiet one. Let's think… I'll shave your fur and let you live, how about it?"

"What are you doing, Yuu? Are you trying to kill a kitten?"

Kanda blanched, Tiedoll chose to come back at the exact moment when his beloved (foster) son committed atrocities against animals. Not that Kanda really cared.

Allen, whose grey eyes were already big enough, tried to make them even bigger – successfully if his father was any indicator – and mewled pitifully.

"Tch," Kanda thrust the cat at his foster father and stomped out of the kitchen.

"Wait up, Yuu!" cried Tiedoll trailing after him

"Don't call me that!"

"I met Cross and he said he found you a new friend-"

"It's not fucking friend! It's fucking cat! And I don't need either of them!"

"His name is Allen, isn't it? Hello, Allen," Tiedoll cooed at the cat, "I'm Froi Tiedoll, Yuu's father. I've met your former owner who told me a lot about you," the cat tilted his head, oozing sweetness and cuteness in such exaggerated manner, Kanda wanted to gag. By this time the 'happy' family had relocated into the living room, so the boy plopped himself on the couch and busied himself with TV remote.

"I have already visited pet shop and bought all necessities for you," continued Tiedoll and stroked Allen's head, scratching his ears and chin. "You are such a nice boy, are not you? I hope you will get along with my son. Yuu is a good boy, too, a little rough perhaps, but there is a gentle heart underneath his tough exterior."

_A good boy, huh? A gentle heart, my furry little ass, _the cat snorted. _Underneath all this shit, there is only more shit. I think you are senile, old man._

"Look, Yuu, he is purring."

"He is insulting you. Fucking Beansprout."

"Yuu, it's a cat," Tiedoll said flatly. "I rather hope you did not address _me_ in such a manner. And I'm pretty sure the cat's name is Allen."

_I do not think that your son has the mental capacity required to remember two-syllable name. It grieves me to disappoint you, but I think he is plainly stupid_, the cat seemed to say_. _Kanda sharply turned around and looked at Allen, who grinned widely.

Kanda's eyebrow twitched, the shrimp was mocking him. "Oh? You are calling _me_ stupid; when _your_ brain could not be bigger than sesame seed, else it would not fit in that bean-sized body of yours! Fucking Sprout, you're really pissing me off!"

Tiedoll was taken aback at this outlash, sure his son was not the most polite boy in the neighborhood, but still it was quite unreasonable even for him. Was not it too early for the teenage rebellion though, the artist mused. Moreover, what part of Tiedoll was bean-sized? And where did this bean analogy come from anyway?

"Yuu, I did not call you stupid, so it was rather rude of you to call me such names," he began.

"I was not talking to you! I was talking to fucking cat!" Kanda interrupted. "He really annoys me."

Tiedoll blinked. Apparently his cute little son was already that close to the cat, there was no other explanation for this mysterious understanding between them. He was sure, that it could be only a telepathic link or a soul resonance of some sort. But he was not going to tell Kanda this; silly boy would drown in denial.

A loud growl interrupted his chain of thoughts and Tiedoll looked at the cat in his arms in utter bewilderment.

"Are you so hungry? Poor thing. Come on, Yuu; let's find something tasty for your little buddy."

"Feed him yourself! He is not my little buddy!"

"But he is your cat!"

_Like hell I am. I do not need this moronic human._

"Like hell he is! I do not need this shitty furball!" fumed Kanda, but his father had already walked out of the living room into the kitchen.

"So, Allen," Kanda heard Tiedoll's voice, "what do you prefer? A fish? A meat? …Oh, so you are not a picky eater… Well, look at you! You sure can eat! Where did all that food go? I do not think that all of it could fit in your stomach. My, my, such a mystery! Yuu, you won't believe how much food Allen could fit in this tiny body of his!"

"What? So Beansprout will eat us out of the house? Joy."

Allen waked out of the kitchen and looked at Kanda indignantly. _If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. This way you will look smarter and people around you will get aesthetic satisfaction, at least._

"Tch. I don't need a communicational advice from a cat."

Allen jerked his tail in annoyance. _Suit yourself, but it seems to that you are in dire need of the communicational advice from anyone. Your people skills suck. Not that I care._ And he began to wash his face.

"Go lick yourself somewhere else."

Allen looked directly into Kanda's eyes and shrugged. _You are just envious that I can do it. You humans are so imperfect creatures. Well, opposable thumbs will only take you so far._

Making sure he was clean the white cat trotted to the stairs and began climbing up, Kanda looked after him with suspicion before realizing his room was out there. He darted after the cat.

"Don't you dare come into my room, little fuck! I'll make shish kabob out of you!"

Tiedoll sadly shook his head and sighed, his son was so angry and loud sometimes. Howls, shouts and other unidentified noises were heard from the direction of Kanda's room. The artist calmly sipped hot tea, he had made beforehand, and decided that for once in his life Cross Marian did something useful. The cat was good for Kanda.

"I should have gotten him a pet earlier," Tiedoll said aloud.

Long forgotten Timcampy thoughtfully pecked at the cookie and chirped in agreement.

Half an hour later Tiedoll found Kanda in the bed, Mugen still tightly clutched in his hand. The boy was sprouting some vicious scratches but still curling protectively around the small cat. Both of them were sound asleep on the top of the beige comforter. The normally tidy room looked like warzone – furniture turned over and curtains shredded.

The sound of opening door woke Kanda up; he looked at his father with unfocused eyes.

"_I think_this is the_beginning of a beautiful friendship_," said Tiedoll wiping happy tears.

Kanda scowled and made a move to distance himself from white-furred abomination.

Allen woke up, stretched, arched his back and promptly threw up a hairball on Kanda's bed with some smug satisfaction.

Yes, Yuu Kanda disliked cats.

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><p>"Ha! I threw up on your bed, BaKanda!"<p>

"Is it really something to be proud of, Allen?"

"I thought it was gross."

"Lenalee, there are not many things you can do for revenge, if you are a cat."

"General, you broke Kanda – he is white and unmoving. And, I think, he is not breathing. Is he dead?"

"Should we do something?"

"Like paint his face or braid his hair?"

"Like CPR. Allen, kiss him."

"What? Why is it I, who should kiss BaKanda? Ugh… It's gross. I'll catch rabies or some kind of stupidity germs, at least. Thanks, but no thanks."

"Is that what stopping you? You think it's unsanitary. You are such a child, Allen."

"If you lived with my stupid Master, you'd think kissing is unsanitary, too. Wait! I mean, how does kissing count as CPR anyway?"

"I really need another bottle…"


End file.
